Empathy Towards Yourself.

Written by Gayle Glenn

http://strongandfreemovement.com/

How would you treat a friend who is overwhelmed? Discouraged? Down for the count? Would you shame your friend? Would you blame them for their suffering? I don’t think you would. You’re most likely not a cruel or vicious person. But are you cruel to yourself? What words do you use on yourself when you’re down for the count? A friend asked me this question years ago and it started a process of healing in me. I realized that I was quite cruel to myself. I’ll never forget how my friend phrased the question; she said: “how old is the version of you that you berate?” When I spent time in reflection on this question, I realized it was the seven year old me. I hated that little girl. I thought she was pathetic and weak. Why did she allow herself to be harmed why didn’t she fight back? That seven year girl was so fearful of everything. She never spoke up when she needed something or was forgotten or passed over. Too fearful to draw attention to herself, she pretended she had what she needed. I hated that part of me for being so weak and afraid and it stayed with me until my early forties.

As I began to heal, the question my friend asked me began to morph in my mind. Instead, I began to ask myself “What kind of person am I if I hate the little seven year old girl that is still part of me?” With that, I began to see the cruelty of hating the seven year old me. Would I ever treat a little girl like that? Blame her for someone else’s harm upon her?

Never. I would comfort her and speak words of love and encouragement and acceptance.

That realization began to melt that anger and self hatred. I began to feel compassion and tenderness for myself for the first time. Not only could I now extend love to myself, but I gained a new capacity to empathize to lots of other adults, no matter their walk in life.

I’m a NASM certified personal trainer and the owner of Strong & Free, my personal training business. I aim to help my clients harness the progress in strength training they make and turn it into greater confidence and emotional endurance. I am also a mom of four children (one in high school and 3 in their twenties). Being active has always helped me to connect with myself, process my emotions, and cope with life when it’s hard.